Eat, Pray, Love survival guide.

So my wife read Eat, Pray, Love last year and absolutely loved the book. She recommended it to all her friends and they equally enjoyed it. So when it was announced that it was being turned into a movie, she got pretty excited. The movie was recently released and to her credit, she tried to organize a lady’s trip to go see it. Much to my disappointment, the group just could not work out a time when they all could make it. It appears that the same "no girl left behind" bar/club mantra that has left countless guys with blue balls when they most likely would have scored continues on well into adulthood. Since they invited four girls, they couldn't go until they found a day and time in which all four girls were available. That's impossible these days with career, family and community obligations all vying for calendar space. Since it wasn't working out, I decided to play the good husband and take her to see this film. I don't think that was the wisest decision I've ever made. I guess I should have known when my wife's best friend high-fived me and laughed upon hearing that I was going to see this movie.

There hasn't been a movie with a more appropriate title since Snakes on a Plane. Midway through this movie I felt just like Samuel L. Jackson did in Snakes. I was tired of all that MF'n eating and praying. That's all it was. She ate, she prayed. She ate some more, then meditated. She's eating again. There she goes trying a new religion again. Then they sprinkled a little bit of love at the end and rolled the credits. Misery, thy name is Eat, Pray, Love! And the love portion of the film included the most sensitive man ever portrayed on film. Javier Bardem went from the bad ass drug enforcer hunting down lost drug money in No Country for Old Men, to the softest, most gentle heterosexual man in existence. One of his lines literally made me yell “Oh Jesus” in the theater.* Among the 100 or so women in the theater, there were 3 guys - me, a guy sitting in front of me who sent and received text messages throughout the movie and some poor schmuck in the back who just looked beaten down by life. Trust me fellas, if this movie is on your agenda, get out of it. Here’s what I suggest.

1. Buy two tickets and suggest your wife/girlfriend reconnect with a friend who she hasn’t seen in awhile. Women always have someone to reconnect with. Sweeten the deal by offering to babysit or run errands. This should work.

2. Offer to take her to dinner at some high end restaurant. Believe me; dropping a C-note on dinner is much more appealing than sitting through this movie. Furthermore, many of those meals do look very good so you could end up at some fancy place AFTER you’ve had to sit through the movie.

3. If you can’t get out of it, have a few drinks beforehand. Actually have several and if possible, whip out your old college flask and sneak your favorite spirit in. Good luck guys!

*Note: I do not advise this as it resulted in a stern look from the Mrs. and several sneers from the audience. Luckily I am a large man or I’m sure I would have gotten smacked.

** Actually run the errands and or watch the children. This author wrote a follow-up so you don’t want to end up having to sit through a sequel because of poor performance this time.

Random Tidbits....

I checked out Forest Hill vs Wingfield on Friday. FH's skill position players overwhelmed the Falcons. Their tailback, Jabari Baker, is a stud and just gutted the defense. The back-up QB has a cannon so it will be interesting to see what he looks like as the full-time QB next year. What game did you check out?.........Had a fantasy football draft yesterday. I really don't like my team but it was a good practice run for the "real" draft next week. That draft's buy-in is double this one's plus there's a fee for each waiver pick-up. Yes, I'm  a nerd and yes I am addicted to fantasy sports............My sister called yesterday to get some information on creating a trust. She said she has a "feeling" that she is going to win the lottery soon so she wants to be prepared. She intends to create the trust to distribute her winnings to the family. We really didn't know how to respond to that so we just told her that when she wins, there will be a couple of days before she turns in the ticket in which she can handle this kind of business. It's absurd, but hell, if she does win, I'll be damned if I'm the only family member left out of the trust!.......

J-E-T-S.......

I am normally not a fan of reality television. I would much rather LIVE life than watch other people living theirs. However, I make an exception for HBO's Hard Knocks cause, you know, it’s football. This has been a great season mainly because the Jets as an organization just don't seem to care what anyone thinks about them. They curse, they haze, they fawn over the absent Darrelle Revis. I love it! They are arrogant, they are cocky and they are completely unapologetic about it. Past seasons have been much more restrained and calculated. Those organizations and coaches had reputations to uphold. Not these Jets. This team has definitely taken on the personality of their head coach and, in team sports, that's a good thing. I wonder what Tony Dungy* thinks about last night's episode? If he was concerned about the amount of profanity in the 1st episode, I'm certain he dropped his bible after watching this one. I guess ole Rex will have to call him up and apologize again. Anyway, I think I’m gonna be rooting for Buddy’s boy and the J-E-T-S this season.

*For full disclosure, I hate Tony Dungy. I have no reason to yet I do. It’s sorta like how people hate Tim Tebow for no real discernible reason. I hate Dungy in that same way.

Way to go Jay...

Updating an earlier post, Jay Mariotti has been suspended by AOL Fanhouse.com for his domestic violence arrest over the weekend. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Maybe ESPN will follow suit and get this pompous ass off the air.

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/gameon/post/2010/08/jay-mariotti-suspended-by-aol-after-arrest/1?loc=interstitialskip

No Roger!

Don’t do it Roger. Don’t agree to it NFL Players Association. DO NOT add two more regular season football games. The NFL season is perfect as it is now. Every year, football fans are left thirsting for more. Don’t give us more! America thrives on urgency. We need things to matter for us to spend our time on it. Nearly every football game matters. They matter for determining the playoffs. They matter for seeding. They matter for home-field advantage. The more games, the less they will matter. Baseball is dying in America because they give us too much. We don’t really follow the NBA until the playoffs start because they have too many games. The same goes for the NCAA basketball season. No one pays attention until the tourney starts. The more games a league has, the less significant each individual game is. Right now the NFL has 15 (with byes) straight weeks of kill or be killed football. The last two weeks of the season already are irrelevant with the true Super Bowl contenders having wrapped up home field advantage while the Lions and teams of that ilk have long before been eliminated from contention. That leaves about 6 teams fighting to be a Wildcard and lose in the second round of the playoffs. When week 15 rolls around, I’m just waiting for the playoffs to start. Most of those who like this proposal point out that it will decrease pre-season games which few are really interested in. If the interest is that low then why are there nationally televised pre-season games? Why do these games crush baseball in the ratings? Have you ever seen a Cactus league baseball game in prime time? What about a preseason NBA game? No you haven’t because their seasons are already to long and interest doesn’t pick up until mid-season of both sports. Interest for NFL games begins immediately after camp opens and I don’t want to lose that excitement. I don’t want a watered down league. So please Roger, don’t toy with my NFL schedule.


As a side note, I believe both the NBA and MLB should shorten their seasons. MLB should be about 120 games - 60 before the All-Star break and 60 after it. The NBA should be 50 games. The lock-out shortened season was my favorite in that each game counted and players were able to give better efforts because they were rested. I know this will never happen but it’s a good idea. I think this would allow for a much greater product.

Really Albert?

So Albert Haynesworth now has rhabdomyolysis. I'm familiar with this condition from statin drugs. Baycol was removed from the market because it was thought to produce this condition in patients who were just trying to lower their cholesterol. Along with that lower cholesterol came kidney failure, paralysis and bunch of other stuff that was just bad news. Now a professional athlete supposedly has a condition that usually is a result of a catastrophic event or ill advised prescriptions.


I am going to confess right now that I have understood Haynesworth's position. I played the 3-technique tackle that Haynesworth has traditionally played. I also played the nose when it was required by the defensive call. The positions cannot be more different. I liken it to being a wide receiver in a spread offense as opposed to being a wide receiver in an option attack. It's that different. A receiver in a spread attack is most concerned with running patterns. He needs quickness and precision. He will get to make plays. He can play at a smaller weight. Compare that to the receivers in an option attack. They need to be larger because their primary responsibility is blocking. They need to be physical and big. The same concepts apply to defensive tackle and nose. If you are a 3-technique, you are a playmaker; you can rely on quickness. You don't have to be as large. You move around and are free to wreak havoc in the backfield. When you are a nose, you take on blockers. Lots of blockers. You take on the center. You take on the guards. You take on the fullback. You have to be larger. Essentially, you are a live version of a blocking sled that is just in the way of offensive linemen so the linebackers can run free. It isn't really that fun. All this to say I understand Albert just not being that into playing nose.

I also understand not passing the conditioning test. The 300 yard shuttle does not test how physically fit you are. It tests how much you practiced the test. During my junior year of college, my college team implemented this conditioning test. I failed. I failed even though that year I was in the best shape of my life. I knew I was in great shape so I didn't practice running the shuttle. That was a bad decision. I failed miserably. However, I had no problem finishing each gasser within the allotted time after every practice that year. I also had the best season of my career. The 300 yard shuttle does not test anything relevant to playing defensive line at any level. It’s really just another reason for coaches to yell at the fat guys.

Anyway, as you can see, I felt for the plight of Haynesworth. Not anymore. He lost me with this new medical condition. With all the physicals that pro athletes have, it is asinine to allege that Haynesworth now has a serious medical condition. So you've lost me Big Al. Get your butt to practice.

Jay Marriotti - girlfriend beater

Once upon a time, watching sports commentary was all about the actual sport. Somewhere along the way, sports became secondary to the personalities that supposedly report the sport. Our sportswriters and sports reporters today seem more interested in self-promotion than about what actually occurs in the games. This is the case with a host of ESPN programming but none more so than Around the Horn. Jay Mariotti, formerly of the Chicago Sun Times, is a prominent figure on that show. Mariotti is vicious in his so called "analysis" of athletes and their failures both on and off the field. He routinely labels players as "chokers", "trash" & "losers". I have no problem calling out those whose failures in their personal lives compel a response. However, what Mariotti does is no more than mean-spirited belittling of athletes with little or no analysis of their performance or the situation. I imagine his formative years were spent dodging wedgies and he now feels the need to get back at all those mean ole jocks. With this mind, I am obligated to inform you that Mariotti was arrested for domestic violence last night. Obviously, he is trash! Only losers assault women. What kind of low-life is this guy!
http://www.suntimes.com/news/24-7/2623460,mariotti-arrest-082110.article

The Bar List

I love bars. It doesn't get any better than a great bar, a football game and a cold beer. To be a great bar, the bar has to have great service, a fun atmosphere and cool bartenders. I have listed my all time favorite bars on the sidebar. What's your favorite?  I'd love to add some new additions to my list.

Just win......

"Just win, baby!" Every football fan in America knows this phrase that is so famously the mantra of the Oakland Raiders. This phrase has been ever-present on my mind for the last two weeks for two distintcly different reasons.  First, my favorite hitter of all-time dies recently. Jack Tatum succumbed to heart failure at age 61. Tatum had to be the most fierce hitter of all time. His hits were legendary for their intimidation and for their devastation. I am to young to have watched Tatum play, but his hits were constants on NFL films highlight reals. I used to watch these tapes before every junior high and high school game. Tatum crushed the competiton and I wanted to as well. Little did I know that fate would eternally deem me a defensive lineman, but that's a story for another day.  Tatum is the starting safety on my all-time team. Here's to you, Jack Tatum. I salute your greatness. Check him out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJrDYQwwbuY

"Just win" also comes to mind when I think of Ole Miss allowing Jeremy Masoli to join the team. I am all for redemption stories but some people have proven that they are poor decision-makers. Masoli's desicion- making off the field is ridiculously poor. He should not be on a college campus. With that said, I completely understand the decision. Football coaches are hired to win games. All the notions of building character and teaching leadership are complete BS. If you lose, you will be fired. Bob Davie had a 100% graduation rate and was fired from Notre Dame. A school that claims to value academics fires a coach who graduated every player. So the bar has been set at every school that plays big time football. "Just win, baby," even if that means lettimg a criminal or two (or several) on campus.